I am only here for a short minute, mostly this is going to be a bitch fest because I woke up on the way wrong side of the bed, went back to bed, and then woke up on the wrong side again (WTF???). My car is going to have to go, it's not going to be cheep to fix and the problems just keep getting worse and worse. Right now I literally have the most geto car ever, the exhaust line is being held on by DUCK TAPE. >__< The hell????? And we spent all day getting the part off at this 'ull-a-part' place and they told us that they couldn't sell the part to us. The fuck????? Really? Seriously!!! I was already mad and this through me way over the edge. It would have been nice to have been told something like 'you can have anything but this, this, and this' before walking in to the place.
But I am talking this as what it is, a huge fucking sign. I know I need to stop holding on the the past, and I have even said myself that holding on isn't going to do anyone a damn bit of good. I am finally starting over from here. I new-new beginning. This is probably going to sound bad to any of my close friends reading this but I can assure you it's not what it sounds like. When I think back now, my memories of everything, even the good times, become tainted with the negative I have come to associate my life with. I feel like I have to walk on fucking eggshells where ever I go now, and that just isn't me. I said I stopped fighting the other night and really I have, but not in all ways. I just don't really know what is it I should be fighting for anymore. Everything just feels so damn wrong and the only way I feel to make it right is to hit a big red reset button. But life doesn't come with on of those so I am doing my best to just do it my way. Starting over, a new beginning for a new life with my new and new/old friends, with my new self. So much has changed for all of us in less then one year I don't even know where to begin. Even sis has changed (nothing bad, or wrong with it). But change can be as good as it can be bad. I am not expecting things to become all fine and dandy, but just to leave some of the stress that everything has caused me. In the end we all have to find our own way to deal with things and somehow it's got to work out. It just has too... if not then WTF are any of us doing here anyway.
So with one foot in front of the other here it is. I am starting my new life. I am not letting go of the things I have learner, but I am not longer going to let the heartache of yesterday ruin my chances for a happier tomorrow. Maybe someday I will break these shackles that separate me from my freedom and I'll learn to live carefree again. Until then just one day at a time.

From me, just a shout out of ramblings. I have so much to post.... need my own computer TT_TT